About two weeks ago, on the 18th of June, my 12 year old cousin died in his sleep. He was like a little brother to me so we were very close. We were practically raised together. His death came as a complete shock to me. I was sitting on my bed, knitting when I got the call. When I answered, my brother told me that Alex had passed away that morning. He had gone to sleep the night before, and by that morning he had to be rushed to hospital because he was barely breathing, and his pulse was very low. I couldn't speak, or breathe for that matter. I just stared straight ahead with my hand over my mouth, unable to move, paralysed with disbelief.
As the days went by, I became slightly neurotic. I kept thinking he would bust through the front door and jump on me to wake me up so we could play, like he always used to. I kept hearing his voice in my head calling my name. And everywhere I went, I could see him. I thought how could this be? How is it possible that a boy who was always so full of life could suddenly be lifeless? I couldn't understand how someone who was always around could suddenly be gone forever. I kept thinking it was some horrible nightmare and I would soon wake up. But every morning I'd wake up, and he was still gone. And every morning I wondered why I woke up. What to do now? I wanted to sleep forever. I didn't want to believe that this was real. But logically I knew that he was gone, and he wasn't coming back. I begged God for just one more day with him. Just one more cuddle, one more kiss, one more laugh, one more swim in the pool, one more swing in the hammock, on more trip to Sea World... But He didn't give him back. I became infuriated with God. I screamed at Him, "WHY?! Why didn't you take me instead?? Why take a little boy who had such passion for life, instead of a broken girl like me??? Why Why Why!" It was all I could say.
I thought time would stop when he died, but it kept right on going like nothing had happened. Time had only stopped for me, and for my family, in our house of mourning.
Eventually I accepted the fact that he was gone and I had to stay, and be strong for my family, and for myself. Life has to go on, no matter if it feels right or not. And I'm firm in my belief that Alex is in heaven now, free from all pain and discomfort. And to be honest, I'm happy for him, because I know that he couldn't possibly be happier. I cry because I miss him, not because I feel sorry for him. He lost his earthly life, but gained eternal life with God. And that's something that no simple human mind could ever hope to understand. It's still difficult for myself and my family, but we're trying to make it through. Alex would have wanted us to be happy, and not to grieve for too long. I still cry sometimes when I think of him, but most of the time his memory is just bitter sweet. He left behind so many beautiful memories, and I cherish every one of them.
He was bright, and sweet, and so full of energy. He loved to play rough, and not many people understood his sometimes destructive behaviour, and he was often hard to handle, even for me. But I know better now. He played the roughest with the people he loved the most, and he beat me up more than anyone else. That was his way of showing love. But he also liked to cuddle. To be touched by Alex was to be touched by an angel. Whether it was a hug, or a kiss, or a cuddle, or just a simple tap, it was absolutely magical. Anyone with a soul could feel it. I call it his healing touch. Alex was one of a kind. An angel on earth, to be sure.
He had this attitude that nothing could hurt him. His spirit was unbreakable, and that enraged a lot of people, especially the adults in his life (with the exception of his dad of course). But they just didn't understand. Alex was made of some tough stuff. He couldn't be broken. He had the heart of a warrior, always fighting for what he knew was right. And always telling us, "Stay strong, and take care of yourselves!" He was a very intelligent young man. One that I am proud to say I was lucky enough to have in my life. And underneath all his uncontainable energy, Alex had the biggest heart. He could never stay mad at anyone, no matter what they did. Because, to him, nothing was worth losing time with the people he loved. He saw everyone as valuable. No matter who they were. And I believe that in his heart, he loved every human being, and every plant and animal, simply because they were living, breathing, beautiful creations of the God that he so loved. He was a brave boy, firm in his beliefs on life, and secure in the knowledge that everything would work out for the better. There is so much to be learned from his life, if only we'd take the time to embrace and observe the lessons that he left behind for us.
He's gone from my life, but I will always carry him with me. His spirit, his love, his wisdom, and his mercy for everyone in his short, but beautiful life. There was room for everyone in Alex's heart. And I don't know if I could ever reach that point of love, but I do know that I'll try my best, in his honour, to cherish everyone I come across. I know he would have wanted that. And I hope that when my life is over, he'll be proud of everything that I did, and was.
His life will live on through his legacy, and all who loved him as he loved them. And one day, we'll see him again.
Rest in peace, Alex/Mischa/MishMish. You are loved